Joe goes to the Super Bowl.
His seat is in the nosebleed section, but at least he's at the Super Bowl.
So he starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars and sees a guy about 5 rows off the field on the 50 yard line with an empty seat beside him.
This is driving Joe nuts, so at half time, he goes down and asks the guy why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.
The guy says, "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago.
But unfortunately, she passed away."
"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", Joe says,
"But why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?"
The guy replies: "They're all at the funeral."

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door.
She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said.
"Why don't you play with my dog Rollo while you are waiting?
He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands and sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over.
Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through and over the rail of the balcony.
Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" she gushed.
Paul panicked. "To tell the truth," he said, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

Hmmmmm... More from our Random Thought department
(if we have a thought is has got to be random)

Dyslexics have more fnu

Clones are people, two

Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs

186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

A mouse is just an elephant built by the Japanese

A waist is a terrible thing to mind

Anything free is worth what you pay for it

I don't have anything but I'll give you half

One good turn ..... Gets most of the blankets

COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Editing is a rewording activity

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure

My reality check just bounced

Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway

Once there was an old Cowboy, and he shared some insights on life. We're going to take this opportuntity to share his wisdom with you. A Cowboy's Guide to Life

Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.
The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with
watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew;
your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now
and then to make sure it's still there with ya.

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier
than puttin' it back.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over
and put it back into your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

A man went into a grocery store, got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the checkout counter.
The cashier asks the man, "Sir, do you own a dog?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have the dog with you?"
The man replies, "No, I left it at home."
The cashier then says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this dog food unless I see your dog."
A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout counter.
The same cashier asks, "Sir, do you own a cat?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have your cat with you?"
And the man replies, "No, I left it at home."
Then the cashier says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this cat food unless I see your cat."
A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag.
He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, "It feels warm, soft, and gooey."
The man then says, "Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?"

Walking past the big wooden fence around the insane asylum, a guy hears everyone inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
His curiosity piqued, he finds a hole in the fence and looks inside.
All of a sudden a finger shoots through the hole and pokes out his eye, and the inmates start wildly chanting,
"Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."