"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.
"Does that answer your question?' her father asked.
"Not really," the little girl said. "Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life,"her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?"

A 75 year old woman goes to the doctor and tells him she needs some birth control pills and the doctor looks at her and says ma'am your 75 years old why would you need birth control pills?
She tells him you see they help me sleep at night.
The doctor is still confused and says how could they possibly help you sleep at night?
She looks at him and says well I put them in my granddaughters orange juice every morning.

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

When three-year-old opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. The Mother was not so pleased. She turned to Grandmom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Grandmom smiled and then replied, "I remember."

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House.
Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" 
Clinton asked.  "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. 
It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.  "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" 
Clinton asked. "Go to the theater.

A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation. Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: "Take the next plane for a fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."
His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11:30 a.m. How long have you known about us?