Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers. "Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.

Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"

The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.

Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was 'Katz'?"

After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.

"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"

The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."

"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."

Two attorneys have planned to meet for lunch, but one of them shows up 30 minutes late.

The one who's been waiting asks his partner: "What kept you?"

"I ran over a Coke bottle and got a flat tire."

"A Coke bottle in the road? Didn't you see it?"

"No, the kid had it under his coat."

Concerned about his failing manhood, a farmer went to the local doctor for help. The doctor gave him a small container of pills and told him to take no more than one a day.

Back home, the farmer thought he'd try the medication on his stud horse first.  The horse swallowed the pill, jumped out of his stall, kicked a side of the barn over, and ran off down the road.

"Those pills are too strong for me," the farmer thought, and pour the rest into his well.

Later, when the doctor came to check on him, the farmer told how he had disposed of the medication.

"Heavens!" exclaimed the doctor. "You haven't drunk any of the well water, have you?"

No," said the farmer.  "We can't get the pump handle down."

A rich Texan walked into the offices of the president of a small Texas college and said, "I'd like to donate a million dollars tax free to this institution.  But there's a condition.  I would like to have an honorary degree."

The president nodded agreeably, "That's not a problem.  We can certainly arrange that!"

The rich man said, "An honorary degree for my *horse*."

"For your horse???"

"Yep, you betcha.  She carried me for many years and I owe her a lot.  I'd like her to receive a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transportation."

"But . . . we can't give a degree to a *horse*!"

"Then I'm afraid I'll have to take my million dollars to another educational institution."

"Well, wait a minute," said the president, seeing the million slip through his fingers, "Let me consult with the school's trustees."

A hurried trustee meeting was brought to order and the president related the deal and the condition.  All of the board reacted with shock and disbelief -- except the oldest trustee. He appeared almost asleep.

One trustee snorted, "We can't give a *horse* an honorary degree -- no matter HOW much money is involved."

The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said, "Take the money and give the horse the degree."

The president asked, "Don't you think that would be a disgrace to us?"

"Of course not, " the wise old trustee said.  "It would be an honor.  It'd be the first time we ever gave a degree to an ENTIRE horse."

Why sex is like a roller coaster:

It goes like this - You get on with your partner. There is anxious anticipation as you start. You start slowly, climbing your way to the top.

There are smiles exchanged, and giggles, maybe even caressing or hand holding. The excitement builds and builds. It nears the top. The expressions on faces become wondrous and excited.  Then as it hits the pinnacle, things move very fast. There's a quick motion, the heart races with complete excitement; faces are all in total pleasure. Arms are flailing, heads are bouncing, and there is some noticeable screaming going on.

The rest of the ride is up and down, twisting and turning, lots of bumping, sometimes in the light, sometimes in the dark, sometimes there's a surprise, and sometimes it becomes all too familiar but always...........always........at the end, there's a big smile on the face, hair is all messed up............ and everyone is talking about how great it is while some of them say, "I wanna go again"...

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

When the enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside,  "You skin this one while I go and get another!"