A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. 

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Random Thoughts .......

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Handy telephone tip:
Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs.
I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first.

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my gator."

We wouldn't tell you how to live
But we do suggest that you Never ........

argue with a fool...people may not be able to tell you apart.

do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

get into a fight with an ugly person. They have nothing to lose.

make the same mistake twice...
There are so many new ones to make!

play leapfrog with a unicorn.

question your spouse's judgement...look whom they married.

Things we wonder ......

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,  "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

People seem to read the Bible a whole lot as they get older it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.