Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.

Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

One day, 3 unemployed factory workers heard that a large food company was enlarging and needed more staff.  So they went downtown to see if they could get themselves a job.

After filing out their applications, each one was interviewed and each one managed to get hired.  As they were waiting to be assigned their new duties, a foreman came by and spoke to the hiring boss.

The foreman told the boss that he didn't think it was such a good idea as one of the workers had snapped for no apparent reason at his last job. 

Also a second was said to have had cracked up after severe mental stress. 

The third, he believed was their father who he felt was a bit odd but he couldn't put his finger on it.

The hiring boss reassured the foreman and said that they would start on something easy and after a week, the company would re-assess them to see if they would be kept on.

The foreman reluctantly agreed and asked the boss where he thought they should start.

The boss replied, "Why not take them and put them in our Cereal Division...Snap, Crackle and Pop should work out fine down there."

Amanpreet is on his first trip to the United States.  Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled while filling out the entrance form at the border.  The border official looks over Preet's shoulder to see him write 'Once A Week' in the small space labeled, "SEX".

The official explains, "No, no, no.  That's not what we mean by this question.  We're asking 'Male' or 'Female'." 

Amanpreet replies.  "Male, Female, Animal -- it doesn't matter."

Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts.

His teacher kept him after school.  When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact."

The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?"

Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one.  Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper.

The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.  Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again.  She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt.

"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "you've got a Double-Barrel!"

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time.  Later they go on to a show.

The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says "I have had a lovely time.  You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose.  May I call on you tomorrow?"

She agrees and a date is made.

The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.

He is stunned. "What was that for?" he asked.

She said "I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said 'Not well suited to bedding but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall.'"

The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid. "Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.

"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.

The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie."

The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?"

The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."

The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing at her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband. "I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the maid replied. "

"Of course," the woman replied.

"Then what about five more inches?"

A marriage broker offered Morty a beautiful young girl, a real prize, to be his wife.  But Morty was stubborn.

"I'm a businessman," Morty argued.  "Before I buy material from a mill, I look at swatches.  So before I get married, I gotta have a sample also."

The broker had no choice but to relay the message to the girl.  "He says he is a good businessman, and he has to know exactly what he's buying.  He insists on a sample."

"Listen," the girl replied.  "I'm also good at business.  A sample I don't give.  But, I will give him references!"