Week jokes

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Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde calls up her best friend (a brunette) one day because she is very upset.

"I can't get this jigsaw puzzle put together, and I've been trying for weeks," she cries.

"Could you please come over and help me before I go crazy?"

"What kind of puzzle is it?" asks the brunette.

The blonde says, "Well, there is a rooster on the box, but there are so many pieces,
and it's so confusing. I just don't know where to start!"

Her friend is the compassionate sort and says, "I'll be right over."

So off to the blonde's house she goes.

When she gets there, she takes one look at the table and turns to her friend
and says: "Put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Gas Service

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee,
were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck
at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house,
a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked
her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker
to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could
outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house
was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two are,
I figured I'd better run too!"

Airconditon

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he
was too cold, then he asked that it be turned down because he was too hot,
and so it went for about a half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient. He walked back and forth and never
once got angry. Finally, a second customer asked the waiter why he didn't
throw out the pest.
"Oh, I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Thigns

In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink.
It had a single word on it: "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and right below it,
immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign
which read, "Thoap!"

Got a Driver

Two bowling teams charter a double-decker bus;
they're going to Atlantic City for the weekend.
One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team
is in the top of the bus. The team down below is whooping it up
when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top.
He walks up the stairs, and here are all the guys from the second team
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared to death.
He says, "What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time."
One of the guys from the second team says, "Yeah, but you guys've got a *driver*."

Ring

A telephone rang, and someone picked it up.
A voice from the other side said, "Is your number 444 444 44?"
"Yes," came the reply.
"Could you call 911? My finger is stuck on the phone."

Golf Ball

These two guys were approaching the first tee.
The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and
says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball?"
He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it."
His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!"
The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it
into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the
water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway,
smoke comes up in order for you to find it."
Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities
until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible!
Where did you get that ball?!"
The man replies, "I found it."

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