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| What DO they want? A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman." Wishful Thinking A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over and made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and was yelling and screaming because she was all wet. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!" Cat Got Your Tongue? Little old lady to dog owner: "Is that your German Shepherd outside?" "Yeah, so what?" "Well, my cat just killed it." "Ha, how could your cat kill my dog?" "It got stuck in his throat." New Breed The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. "Okay boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?" "I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy. "Very good Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?" "That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy. "Right again. And what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. Silence fell over the class. After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint, children...it's something your mother calls your father." "I know, I know," screamed Eddie. "It's a Nincompoop!" Mean Streak A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold weather?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just as long as you're out of the house by noon!" Wishful Thinking A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over and made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and was yelling and screaming because she was all wet. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!" Green Strategy When the legendary salesman was asked his secrets of success, he gave a humble shrug. "I’m sure you all know the cardinal rules: know your product; make lots of calls; never take no for an answer. But frankly, I owe my success to consistently missing a three foot putt by two inches." |
