TELEPHONE POLES

A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a new highway and asked them to report at the end of the day. The crews were gone all day and returned just as the sun was setting.

The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles they had installed. The reply was eleven.

The foreman patted the guy on the back and said, "Not bad." Then he went to the leader of the next group and asked him the same question. Two was the reply.

"Two! All you installed were two?! The other group installed eleven!" The foreman exclaimed angrily.

"Yeah," the leader answered, "But you should have seen how much they left sticking out!"

Doctor's Visit

A man goes to the doctor. "Doc," he says pointing to different parts of his body, "when I touch my arm it hurts. When I touch my neck it hurts. And when I touch my stomach it hurts. Do I have some rare disease?"

"No," the doctor replied, "you have a broken finger."

College Dorm

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

Twins

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Flying in Seattle

A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup-thick fog bank. He's completely disoriented, and flies blindly around until he spies the top few floors of an office building. He pulls up real close to it, and gets the attention of a woman sitting at her desk.

"Excuse me!" he yells.

"Where am I?" "You're in a helicopter," she replies.

The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns through the dense fog, and then does a perfect blind landing at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport.

"That was amazing!" says a passenger. "How did you know from her answer where you were?"

"Easy," says the pilot. "Her answer, while correct, was absolutely useless.

So I immediately knew I was at Microsoft Tech Support."

The World's First Fully Computerised Airliner

The world's first fully computerised airliner was ready for its maiden flight with out pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.

The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman," a voice intoned as the airplane lifted off. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerised airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong........nothing can go wrong......nothing can go wrong......"

The String

A String walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Hi, may I have a glass of Vodka?"

And the bartender said, "No. Sorry, we don't serve Strings here." and instead of making a scene, the String left the bar and went around the corner. When he was sure that he was out of view of the bartender, he tied himself in a knot and ruffled up his top and bottom and returned to the bar.

He went up to the bartender and once again asked the bartender for a glass of Vodka and the bartender asked "Aren't you the string that just came in here?" and the String answered "Nope, afraid not!" (a frayed knot)